I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
