Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
