Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
