I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
