I can text with my tongue
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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