Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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