If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
