This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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