he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
