What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize