I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize