Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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