After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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