What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
