Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
