So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize