Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
