Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
