mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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