I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
