Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She announced her abortion via fbk
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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