I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
