As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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