Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ketchup is God's man juice
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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