And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
