i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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