I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We left an ass print on the piano.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize