Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
