Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
