laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
