Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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