Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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