singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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