y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
