Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
