I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
