I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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