I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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