im having a threesome with these popsicles
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
