she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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