I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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