What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
