I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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