2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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