I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
third nipple confirmed
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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