I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
