So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize