I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize