I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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