can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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