Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize