God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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