A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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