Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
