I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
