I'm eating all of the evidence.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I want her autograph on my taint
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
