I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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