So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
