I got chris browned last night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
