I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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