I accidentally burped into my bong.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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