Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
