i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When are your genitals available?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
