just come out here and I will go home with you...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
