mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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