Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
