all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
