whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize