this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
